"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control." "With girls, I don't think right.
She said, 'No, but I did get the license number.'" "I once went out with this wild girl. "People say fish is good for a diet. Copyright owners may, if they wish, request to have material removed by leaving a comment on the relevant page.The materials archived, stored, and presented here, are copyrighted by their respective contributors, and may not be saved, re-transmitted, republished, or reformatted by any means, electronic or mechanical. "I went to see my doctor.

They belong to the last guy she hit." "My wife has to be the worst cook. Yeah! Now I drink in front of a mirror. "I'm at the age where I want two girls.

Your phone number is nine?Yep, my cousin’s is 23, I had to write that one down. "I could tell that my parents hated me.

"…went to a bar for a few drinks. "I'm a bad lover. In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to." Why, they stole my towel!" "Men who do things without being told draw the most wages." All right! "I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing." Settle down. I got a standing ovation - I didn't even know it!" "When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me." "I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people." I've got the only dog who begs for Alka-Seltzer."

"I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed. BILL HICKS AT RODNEY DANGERFIELD NEW YORK COMEDY CLUB [TRANSCRIPT] ... [Rodney Dangerfield] All right.

"My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. "My wife's not too smart. I knew he wasn't a professional; the knife had butter on it." The other 2 guys jumped clear. "I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. Rodney Dangerfield had captured the minds of his audience with his ribald, He told me from now on I have to pay in advance." He told me to run off a cliff."

"I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. "The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it." "My cousin is gay; he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock." So he nailed my other foot to the floor."

"My wife has to be the worst cook. It was in a zoo. The other 2 guys jumped clear." How ’bout it. "I drink too much. I’m definitely a driven man now. Settle down. "I came from a real tough neighborhood. [laughs]Had a guy come up to me after the show, coulda been that same guy, Elmer, I think, came up very excited, he goes, “Hey man, you crack me up.”“I’d like ya to meet my wife and sister.” And there was one girl standin’ there.I was on Hollywood Boulevard at a movie theater place that played nothing but horror movies. She got 8 out of 10. I did my pushups in the nude; I didn't see the mouse trap." All original photographs and articles are copyright to their respective owners. It takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. He said, 'Because you came home early.'"

"Oh, last week was a rough week. All right, here’s a guy from Houston, Texas, okay. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician, I would be honest." Any copyright material mirrored on this site is intended for private personal study. And stamps take YEARS to collect. "My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good." She got 8 out of 10. 12 My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. Thank you very much, thank you.All material for educational and non-profit purposes only. "I come from a stupid family. It was in a zoo.

My daughter's no bargain either. "I was such an ugly kid… when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up." But fish should never be cooked in butter. "During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. The waiter joined me." 13 My wife had her driver’s test the other day. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
"My marriage is on the rocks again.