His favorite bone is in my arm!33 I’m a bad lover.

“I say 'no' to drugs. He said he wanted more proof.” Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

I jump next Tuesday.19 My marriage is on the rocks again. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

A lovely lady. Nobody was home.” I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” A lovely lady. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.” He keeps barking at the front door.

She dropped her price.46 My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on Our Favorite Video: Rodney Dangerfield Funniest Jokes Ever120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines That Will Make Her Laugh30 Best Mary Oliver Quotes And Poems You Need To Know

Be cool and share these awesome Rodney Dangerfield Caddyshack quotes with all your friends on Facebook. He told me to wear a brown necktie.44 Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.45 I’m not a sexy guy.

“I could tell that my parents hated me. 36 quotes from Rodney Dangerfield: 'I came from a real tough neighborhood. January 29, 2007. The quotes below are the ones Rodney Dangerfield said while playing the character of 1 Hey, doll. He said, “On your mark…”60 I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

Then check out 33 7 What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.8 I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. ', 'What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. 157 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.20 During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.”

72 Copy quote I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. “Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.” “A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. It was in a zoo.13 My wife had her driver’s test the other day. Now I drink in front of a mirror.” I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.” "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. Check Out The 26 I tell ya, my wife was never nice. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.”32 What a dog I got.

Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. The other 2 guys jumped clear.14 Once somebody stole our car. View the list If you got the game, you got the game. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.49 I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.50 I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. What made Rodney Dangerfield so popular? Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough.

Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.34 When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.35 One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.36 I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.37 I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint, a Saint Bernard!38 When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.39 My doctor told me to watch my drinking.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.5 Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. “I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.” “my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens” “I told my wife the truth. I told her our kids were spoiled.